M. asks again: What about consumerism versus minimalism? How to say when enough is enough? Half of me wants to declutter and become minimalistic but the other half (somewhat competitive) wants to chase the next good deal...
M. wants to declutter and at the same time she also wants to own more.
The main question here is WHY? Why do you want to declutter? And why do you want more things at the same time? There might be a conflict between the perceived and the real need.
The real need is based on facts. If you have no food in the fridge and you are hungry, that is a real need.
The perceived need is remembered feelings of lack from the past. If you didn't have enough food in the fridge when you were child, you will keep your fridge full no matter what but you may still feel the need to fill the fridge with more.
Real minimalists are rare. Those are people with naturally low necessity to own things. Most others just suppress their wishes for some particular reason.
I watched quite a few YouTube videos about minimalism. Some of the minimalists show bare walls rooms which border on sensory deprivation chambers. Some have the same amount of things I have. There is no definite criterion how much do you have to have to qualify as minimalist.
There is usually an underlying idea for minimalism. Some do it to "help to save the environment". Others use it to save money. I knew someone who called himself minimalist but actually he just didn't have enough money to buy anything, was embarrassed to admit it and tried to cover it up with minimalism.
Minimalism just doesn't feel good to me because it jeopardizes my "enough".
I would prefer to use "enough" as my measuring stick. You can say that you have enough of something, let's say, shoes. When you really have enough, you know it. You clearly don't feel any necessity to buy more. But everyone has a different level of "enough".
Why are the levels so different that some people just can't stop buying and become hoarders?
It is all your parent's fault.
If in your childhood you have experienced severe lack of money (true or perceived), you might still have the feeling of lack burned into your brain as a very stressful situation.
The brain has a function to evaluate every situation and classify it as danger or not. Any stressful memory will get into the drawer labeled "danger".
To re-classify the situation to non-danger it is not enough to just even it out. It has to be compensated well above the need.
When I was growing up, my parent's didn't have enough money for anything. I had to wear shoes which were too small and which were broken, worn out or had holes.
Now, to remedy that I have to compensate. I will have to own more shoes than I need. I will have to own as many as my brain will consider "enough" and will stop worry.
People with previous experience of lack usually have only few specific key lack areas. A good method to identify them is to go trough each area of the house and identify the most severe ones.
I have identified three key areas of lack: shoes, clothes and money.
Logically money is the most important area. If you have money you can buy shoes or clothes.
There is published research saying that when people reach yearly income levels of $70,000, there is no increase in happiness above that number. This smells like propaganda. Or maybe they didn't have enough people with childhood lack trauma in their cohort. This statement will never be true for me or anyone with experience of severe lack of money in their childhood or adolescence.
The childhood trauma of lack is different from "trying to keep up with the Joneses". The main point here is the comparison to others. The new things will be constantly bought but there is no problem to discard them, because they already did their job. They were shown off and now have to make space for something new. This happens mostly when parents frequently compared their possessions and level of wealth to others and were bitter about not being on top. In this case there is no felt need to keep things. This kind of trauma doesn't produce hoarders.
When you go trough your house and identify your key lack areas, you will also discover your "enough" areas.
If you discover that you have too many coffee cups and you clearly feel that you have more than enough, pick out those you like. It is important to ask the question "Do I like this cap? instead of "Do I need this cap? The results will be very different.
Make some space by cleaning out the non-lack areas, because you will need to expand the key lack areas.
What if you will only feel good when you have 30 pairs of shoes when the common sense tells you that 10 pairs are enough? Get 30 pairs, if you have enough money. There is no such thing like balance in life anyway.
Sort the shoes the same way, by asking the question "Do I like them?" Fill the space with liked once until you feel "enough".
Sometimes you just have to admit that you are not normal and learn to live very well with that.
If you think you have a childhood trauma of lack, this is your to-do list:
1. Admit that more money will make you happier.
2. Get into high income field or marry someone with high income.
3. Get on track with your savings.
4. Identify key lack areas and support them.
5. Declutter the rest by asking "Do I like it?"
6. Enjoy abundance of items in your key lack areas.
7. Keep increasing your financial Independence and never stop.
