Yesterday evening I gave my 9 year old daughter some macaroni and cheese I got at the cafeteria. The server lady told me that macaroni and cheese were especially good that day because the cook had added real cheddar. I got a portion to take home to my girl.
I told her while giving the the food container: "They said that it is very good" and then left the kitchen for a minute or two.
When I came back, she said loudly: "If people say that something is good, that means it is good for them. It doesn't mean it is good for me. You can't trust anything what others say. You have to trust only yourself, your brain and your body. You have to decide yourself if something is good for you."
I asked if the macaroni and cheese tasted bad, she said: "No, it tastes good. I am not talking about macaroni and cheese, I am talking about life and everything else".
I told her that what she said is one of the smartest things I ever heard.
She managed to sum up my own philosophy about valuations of things.
The value of the same object (or even a subject) can be completely different depending on who gives the valuations.
I remember how someone gave me a collectible doll for Christmas. I didn't know what to do with that doll. I knew it was expensive but I didn't want to have it and I asked one of my friends if she would like to have that doll. She took it and couldn't believe that I would give away such a valuable doll (it cost about $100). It was valuable to her and it was worth nothing to me.
This applies to all areas of life: if your parents tell you that a law degree is good, is it good for you or for them? My father didn't want me to go to medical school. He said it is not good. It was not good for him. He never liked doctors and he left the hospital a couple of times against the advise. He wanted me to become an Russian-German interpreter. My grandmother wanted me to become an accountant.
So would I tell my daughter she should become a doctor, that it is good?
She has to decide for herself.
Just think about your parents or grandparents plans for your life. What a terrible life it would be for you if you would live your life completely as they planned it for you?
Everyone has his own destiny. As my girl said, you have to trust your own brain and your own body. She is right about the body. Many times a decision seems to be right with all the arguments coming from your or other people's brains. But the body disagrees, the gut feeling tells you a different thing. What if it is not her destiny to become a doctor? And by pushing her to go into medicine will be doing the same thing as my grandmother did by pushing me to go into accounting.
Many years ago my husband was leaving his old job. We met with one of his friends who was very sad about that. He said: "It would be better if you stay here". Then I asked: "Will it be better for you or for him?" The friend looked a bit embarrassed and said: "It will be better for me if he stays. But it will be better for him if he leaves".
I hope my girl will always make her own decisions about what is good for her.
Even if it is just about macaroni and cheese.
