Life expectancy - Happy 45!!!

The officially oldest woman in history Jeanne Louise Calment (122 years and 164 days) was recently challenged. Now it is suspected that at some point her daughter took her identity. The probable reason - taxes. Taxes are a good reason. Who knows what really happened...

My sister wants to live till 120. I wanted somewhat more modest 102. 

But for a few months now I don't care anymore how long I will live. 

I am still curious, will I make it so long? But the longing to live up to 100 (or 102) in particular is gone.

I am can only guess why that happened. 
I am 45 now and for about 10 months I feel great, better then when I was 20. 

I am connecting it to what I eat. I will not say anything about my diet on this blog because anything about nutrition is very controversial. Everyone has an opinion and many people are aggressive about that.  I don't want to sink into that controversy/opinions swamp. It is nobody's business what I eat or don't eat. 

Last weekend my mother told me that she is worried about my diet because it was criticized on TV. I told her that I am OK with dying earlier as a trade for how I feel now. While telling her that I realized that I don't care anymore how long I will live. 

Usually a wish or a longing disappears after one of the two has happened: 
1. With your actions you made sure that it happens. Subconsciously you know it and your mind stops worrying. 
2. Or, with your actions you made sure that it will NOT happen. You know it subconsciously and you stop worrying. 

The indecisive, unsure state makes you worry.

With my actions (change in diet) I probably made sure that I  will live long or that I will live short. The change was big enough to make one of those two certain. But I don't know which way this certainty went.

I am OK with either outcome. The nagging feeling that I have to do something to extend my life disappeared. 

I will still keep updating the Challenge 102 out of curiosity. 
Who knows what else will change.

New year's resolutions - are you READY for change?

What's up with the New Year's resolutions? Or any kind of resolutions? Why do they so often fail?  

One of my friends recently made a resolution to lose weight. Part of his plan was to text me his weight every Monday, every week. He set a date for himself to start. That date has passed 4 weeks ago and he hasn't started yet. 

What is the problem with keeping resolutions? And why do we need to make such an official promise like a resolution tied to a specific date?  

The New Year's resolutions are just a variation of general resolutions. Technically they are not different to those that start on a Monday, or on a 1st of the Months or on the 1st of the year. All those resolutions are bound to a specific date to start. They are all scheduled. 

And the scheduling is a sign that most of them will fail.

Scheduling makes a promise official. It makes it ritualized.

Making it so official and big is similar to a marriage proposal from a desperate guy who doesn't even have a chance to date that particular girl. Inside, he knows  that his proposal will not work. But to give his proposal more weight he makes it more official, ritualized, and includes presence of public like going on a TV-show and proposes there. He thinks that making it "bigger and louder" should make the chance for success stronger. 


A resolution is very similar. If you need to ritualize or schedule, it is a sign of a desperate measure.  Sharing your plans with others to make them more official and helping to feel accountable is the same. Ritualizing, scheduling, and publicizing are outside measures which are recruited when the inner readiness is absent.  


Any resolution is just a promise. A promise to change something. Mostly those are behavioral changes. You want to change your actions.

Have you noticed that it is never a promise to change your  thinking? 

No one says: "Starting Monday I will start thinking that it is better to keep the house clean" or "Next year I will start thinking that it is better for me to exercise". Thinking happens unscheduled. Why is doing so different? 

Actually doing is not different. Your thoughts come when they are ready to come. In the same way, you start doing something only when you are really ready to do it.

Yes you can involve your will, push hard and make yourself do something. But it is very tiring and doesn't work for long. And it is usually a torture. 

Remember the saying about a horse: "You can take the horse to water but can't make it drink"? The horse has to be ready to drink, it has to be thirsty enough. Your planning can take you to water, but you have to be thirsty enough to drink. 

If you are not ready and you force yourself, you might "drink when you are not thirsty" and it will give you no pleasure.
You will feel a drag, your subconsciousness will signal that you are doing something unnecessary. Both, body and brain don't like to waist energy on anything that is unnecessary. The motivation will be low. Procrastination, laziness and excuses will come. All that because you were not ready.
But you will blame your weak will or laziness and lack of motivation.
When you start something you are ready for - you don't even think about motivation. You just start. Just like thinking. 

So if anything is guaranteed to fail if the person is not ready, why are so many trying?

Maybe they don't know that they have to be ready. 
Or maybe because of so much social noise they can't hear themselves. The social noise (friends, family, news, social media) constantly tells you how things are supposed to be and you are trying to comply. 
But do YOU really have to? Or do you have to do it NOW? Maybe you will be ready later.

An alcoholic knows the public opinion about his drinking but he will only stop when he is ready and not because someone tells him that he has to do it.


How to start learning to recognize if you are ready? 

1. Abstract yourself from others. When you feel that you have to do something, ask yourself: "Who says so?" 
For example if you feel that you have to keep in contact with a friend you don't like, ask: "Who says so? Why do I have to? Is it my duty or my chore to spent time on someone I don't like? Do I owe it to someone? Will my life be better without this chore?" 

2. Practice to recognize your own true wants quicker.      
True "wants", not "have to".

Years ago I was very pushy and aggressive toward my goals. I was setting goals and was working hard on them. But I noticed that I didn't enjoy the process. I was annoyed by any necessary adjustment, change or delay. That was no fun. Just hard work. Sometimes, after reaching a goal the hard way, I realized that I didn't really need it. After noticing it a few times I stopped pushing. 
I changed to: If I want it, I do it as soon I can. If something comes in between, I just let it. I went with the flow more and more. 

Instead trying to formulate goals and squeeze them into rigid frames, why not to just step back a bit? 
Ask yourself what do you really want? 
Notice, I am not asking what you want to change? I am asking: what you want to do? 

You can practice to recognize your true wants and to act shortly after. Once you learn to do what you really want, you will stop waisting your energy on things you don't want or don't need. This way will also help to eliminate things you are doing because others want you to do them. 

Of course the rules will be different at your work place. That is a special situation where you have to adjust to certain rules. 
Start with your private life, and maybe at some point you will be ready to change things at your job too. 

Start small but try to do it often. At some point in your day stop and ask yourself: what do I what to do right now? For example you are checking your phone. Put it down for a second, look around your room and ask yourself: What do I really want to do right now?" You might want to sort things on your shelf, or take a nap, or read a book. 
If you decide that you want to read a book, ask yourself: "What book?" It shouldn't be a book you still have to finish, or one someone said everyone has to read. It should be the one you want. Just your own interest is reason enough.  
Start with these small things. 
That way you will sensitize yourself to recognize quickly what you want.

When you identify what you want to do, act quickly and do it.  Otherwise the effect will be lost. 
You will notice the difference in feeling - how it feels when you are doing something you really want. 
Don't do it like this:
"I want to go to France, again..."
"Have you been there before?"
"No, but I already wanted before." 


The real changes don't happen according to a schedule. 
It happens happens when you are ready for it. Ready in your mind, thirsty enough for it. If you start a change when you are ready, it will be a lasting one and the one you will enjoy. 


My rules for resolutions: 
Don't make any resolutions.
Recognize what you WANT. Then DO what you WANT. 
Don't schedule your joy.

When is the right time to retire for me?

My friend has retired about 3 months ago. She says it was the best thing she has ever done and that everyone should retire as early as they can. 

Early retirement question is not standing in front of me right now. I still didn't save enough for that. I will need at least 10 more years. 

Also, I don't feel that I am done yet. I feel that I am not done with going to work. 

If I would leave now, it feels like I am leaving a party which is not finished. Some say, you should leave a party when it is not over yet. 

It may be true for some people, but not for me. I don't like to leave parties early. I usually stay till the end. 

By this funny criterion, I might not retire early because I would want to stay till the end. 

What defines my "end of the party for the work situation"? 

It is not the end of the company I work for. 

It is not the end of the world either. 

I like people I am working with. But when we get new people I like them too. If one of my colleagues retires, it is not the "end" for me. 

It must be something else. 

I like my office, but I will be OK if I will have to change to another one. My office is not the "end" either. 

I like to dress up a little bit and wear my heels (3-3.5 inch). Like these: 

I can wear them because I am sitting at the microscope the entire day. I don't have to walk much. On weekends or days I am off, I mostly don't wear heels, especially when I go to Walmart or to Lowes. 

I have great fun wearing my work cloths. I have a lot of cloths. If I would have to wear scrubs, it would make me sad, very sad. 

Not sad because my cloths would be waisted. Sad because I like the process itself. I like the look of my cloths and I like the sound of my heels when I am walking. I will be missing that at lot. 

Writing this I realize that the business with the cloths and heels might sound very superficial, but that's how it is. Fortunately this is an anonymous blog and I don't have to pretend. 

Also , as Oscar Wilde said once: "The only excuse to be absolutely overdressed is being absolutely over-educated". My Bachelor in design, MS in language and literature, MD and PhD have enough weight to counterbalance my superficial fun with cloths and heels.  

My retired friend said that since she has retired, she spends more money. She has more time to travel and to do other activities. 

There are many articles out there which say that working only one or two additional years will substantially increase your financial cushion. You can work just a couple more years if you think you have enough but are still worried. 

Adjusting it to my superficial situation, after I have enough money saved I will have to evaluate if I already had enough fun wearing my heels or if I continue it for a few additional years. 

Fading of the fun of wearing heels might be a sign for me that my retirement is approaching. I will definitely have to retire when my looks change from this to that:

I know, it doesn't sound like a serious evaluation. This entire post is not very serious. 

I talked to my sister who is a radiologist and she told me that she wants to live to 120. My cut off is much less ambitious with only 102. She does not plan to retire early and she also likes to dress nice.